There lies a magic within
It’s always been present
I’ve known it’s been there
Hiding in the cellar
Clouded from my mind
Smothered by a desire
My desire
To be seen
To be loved
To matter
To change the world
The desire
To be needed
Forming a chain
Around my neck
Jerking me back
When going too far
The needs of those around me
Being used to put my needs
On the backburner
An excuse to never
Dig out the wound
As deeply as it needed to be
The cauterizing
Never quite reaching
The gangrene inside
I’m awakening
Which is
What I’ve always wanted
But I’m having to walk
Deeper into the darkness
To find myself
To find the magic
Discovering my self-worth
Discovering that without
A deep love for myself
A deep appreciation
For the Divine within
There can be
No true peace
No true happiness
There can be
Sprinkles of joy
But the well-spring
So deeply desired
Continues to be damned up
Not by another
Not by rejection
Not by someone walking away
Nor by someone
Wanting to destroy me
NO
By me
By my own fear
By my own layers of pain
Years of abuse
Needing to be released
A blood-letting of sorrow
Flowing forth
Grounding itself in the earth
Into the trees
Into the waters all around
Into the wind
As She blows through me
Into the sky
Soaked up by the
Mighty Sun and Moon
There masculine and feminine
Strength and courage
Fully accepting the weight
Carried for 52 years
On my sagging shoulders
This day
I release it to them
I hurl it into the heavens
Knowing the Spirit
Of the sky
Accepts and believes
Fully in me
Knowing that kindness and warmth
Love and Light
Are being hurled back
Upon my spirit
I move forward
Into the day ahead
The limp more noticeable
The heaviness causing
Me to slow down
More pausing and thinking needed
Less running into the fire
More allowing for
Destiny to do its part
More being
And a lot less doing
Seems to be in order
For the steps ahead
Questions continuing
To echo within my brain
Can I be ok
Just being me
Allowing simple acts
Of love
To be enough
Allowing the motto
Love Wins
To infiltrate every pore
Without the need
For
Love Wins with my help
Finally starting to grasp
Love Wins
Love can win
With me finally
Accepting myself
For who I am
RLove
5.4.21
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