The Magic Within

There lies a magic within

It’s always been present

I’ve known it’s been there

Hiding in the cellar

Clouded from my mind

Smothered by a desire

My desire

To be seen

To be loved

To matter

To change the world

The desire

To be needed

Forming a chain

Around my neck

Jerking me back

When going too far

The needs of those around me

Being used to put my needs

On the backburner

An excuse to never

Dig out the wound

As deeply as it needed to be

The cauterizing

Never quite reaching

The gangrene inside

I’m awakening

Which is

What I’ve always wanted

But I’m having to walk

Deeper into the darkness

To find myself

To find the magic

Discovering my self-worth

Discovering that without

A deep love for myself

A deep appreciation

For the Divine within

There can be

No true peace

No true happiness

There can be

Sprinkles of joy

But the well-spring

So deeply desired

Continues to be damned up

Not by another

Not by rejection

Not by someone walking away

Nor by someone

Wanting to destroy me

NO

By me

By my own fear

By my own layers of pain

Years of abuse

Needing to be released

A blood-letting of sorrow

Flowing forth

Grounding itself in the earth

Into the trees

Into the waters all around

Into the wind

As She blows through me

Into the sky

Soaked up by the

Mighty Sun and Moon

There masculine and feminine

Strength and courage

Fully accepting the weight

Carried for 52 years

On my sagging shoulders

This day

I release it to them

I hurl it into the heavens

Knowing the Spirit

Of the sky

Accepts and believes

Fully in me

Knowing that kindness and warmth

Love and Light

Are being hurled back

Upon my spirit

I move forward

Into the day ahead

The limp more noticeable

The heaviness causing

Me to slow down

More pausing and thinking needed

Less running into the fire

More allowing for

Destiny to do its part

More being

And a lot less doing

Seems to be in order

For the steps ahead

Questions continuing

To echo within my brain

Can I be ok

Just being me

Allowing simple acts

Of love

To be enough

Allowing the motto

Love Wins

To infiltrate every pore

Without the need

For

Love Wins with my help

Finally starting to grasp

Love Wins

Love can win

With me finally

Accepting myself

For who I am

RLove

5.4.21